By Alexandra Enns © 2016 

Having gotten stuck in a continuous phase of emotional upheavals concerning my plans and relationships, I was longing for a clarification of my current circumstances. The following brief excerpt from a lucid dream at that time serves as the beginning of a gradual cleansing of my life situation:

“Stormy Winds”

Leaving the courtyard of a university, I am concerned by the abandoned street I find myself in. I recall having planned to contact the awareness behind the dream, so I shout out with a yearning look towards the sky: “Show me the most beautiful landscape!”

For a couple of seconds, nothing happens. Then, I am startled by the fact that I gave rise to the wind blowing along the sandy roads. As the wind starts to roar at a great speed, whirling tiny stones and branches around me, I get a panicky feeling. What‘s going to happen now? Why did I refrain from using or creating a simple portal? I notice an isolated post and quickly embrace it.

For a couple of seconds, nothing happens. Then, I am startled by the fact that I gave rise to the wind blowing along the sandy roads. As the wind starts to roar at a great speed, whirling tiny stones and branches around me, I get a panicky feeling. What‘s going to happen now? Why did I refrain from using or creating a simple portal? I notice an isolated post and quickly embrace it.

I take a deep breath and have a careful look around. I am engulfed by the complete stillness and serenity of the new environment with countless fruit trees and fertile fields as far as I can see. I feel reformed and blessed by the inexplicable winds having dissolved in an instant. While looking at the bright sky, I whisper in awe: “This has to be the paradise on earth.”

I was genuinely confused by this grave incident. Why did the dream awareness react so violently, in contrast with my previous experiences?

The subsequent dream contained a crucial fragment of a dark-haired woman standing on a lonely path from a third-person view, with her back turned to me. Suddenly, a firm voice boomed out from above: “Mary Ziemer.”

Occupying myself with her impressive works on the phenomenon of “lucid surrender” upon waking up, I resolved to follow Mary Ziemer‘s example. The lucid dream described below serves as an illustration of my attempt:

“Staring at the Death”

I simply know I am dreaming while I am standing in an office of a skyscraper, peering at the desolate landscape behind the window glass. I confirm my assumption by looking at my hands. As a result, I remember my goal to surrender to “the force behind the dream.” Inspired by Mary Ziemer’s humble gesture, I slowly bow my head. Then, acting on an impulse, I mutter quietly: “I surrender to you.” When raising my head with a premonition of an oncoming key event in my life, I hear the wind blowing increasingly along the dreary wasteland.

Suddenly, in the far distance, I notice a thick layer of sea foam. The storm swiftly transports it, so it is creeping towards me. I have difficulty in keeping my balance because the earth starts to shake. Gripped by terror, I spot a dark shape running in parallel to the foam trace on the ground. As this figure reaches the skyscraper, I am only able to make out its pitch-black robe and an impenetrable cowl.

My heart starts to race by being confronted with the intuitive certainty: “He looks like the Death – he’s going to kill me!”

While he is approaching me at an energetic, passionate pace by running up the exterior wall, I expect him to pull a sword or another weapon somewhere out of his enormous cloak to stab me at any moment. He tears the window open, making water and foam splash in every direction. Suddenly, I feel an absolute stillness inside of my heart: If this requires my death, let it be so. I am prepared to die. With the aid of this decision, I am open to whatever comes next. I am looking directly at the invisible face behind this sinister looking appearance. He stops in front of me and seems to fix his gaze on me for an infinite amount of time.

Unexpectedly, he pulls his cowl down. I am surprised by the kindness of the face looking at me. He smiles and indicates to me to sit down in a corner with several leather armchairs. During our intimate conversation, I recognize: He is my guardian I’ve already encountered in many different lucid dreams, staying in the background, protecting me. I wake up feeling aroused, deeply loved and secure.

One thing seems to lead to another – while studying the articles by Mary Ziemer, I soon discovered Nigel Hamilton‘s book Awakening through Dreams with a multidimensional approach to transpersonal dream work. As a consequence, I realized that I apparently finished the first transformational stage indicating “Nigredo” by undergoing the following alchemical operations of purification:

– “Solutio” (when facing the sea foam),

– “Sublimatio” (while looking down from the skyscraper and when surrendering to the winds),

– “Mortificatio” (when encountering death),

– “Coniunctio” (when successfully integrating my shadow)

At the stage of “Nigredo”, the dreamer starts dealing with his psychological blocks, resulting in a collapse of former worldly attachments so that the disintegration of the egoistic self can occur. Seen in this light, I was amazed to remember the second significant lucid dream at the beginning of this dream cycle when I was confronted with “Nigredo” (i.e. blackness) literally, as a characteristic distortion of light for the first time:

“Black Emptiness”

I become lucidly aware after having noticed an anomaly and remember my task to question the awareness behind the dream. I leave a bright room to enter an entirely black nothingness. In contrast to my previous experiences with the void, I merge with the blackness, simultaneously losing any bodily sensations. Taking my courage in both hands, I shout out spontaneously: “Show me your inner wisdom!”

Suddenly, I am grabbed by an invisible energy, coming out from nowhere and pushing me to the side with such an enormous force that I fall over and lose my consciousness…

I wake up in astonishment.

As pointed out by the author, the next stage after death often represents a birth before the completion of a transformational process. In fact, in the last (non-lucid) dream of this series of dreams, I took part in my birthday celebration, full of happiness and blissful moments.

In conclusion, I would like to emphasize the sensation of oneness and equanimity after these lucid dreams that supported me to get my worries straightened out in waking life. I am fascinated by the inner guidance dreams can offer in a time of doubt by mastering a leap of faith within them. After having had lucid dreams for about 17 years, my attitude concerning dream control has changed radically: I now prefer to trust the hidden potential in each lucid dream for the purpose of healing and spiritual growth.

References

Mary Ziemer, Lucid Surrender and Jung’s Alchemical Conjunction, Ryan Hurd & KellyBulkeley eds., (2014), Lucid Dreaming: New Perspectives on Conciousness in Sleep, Praeger, Santa Barbara, California

Nigel Hamilton, (2014), Awakening Through Dreams: The Journey Through the Inner Landscape, Karnas Books, London