Maxwell Hunter – Finding Darren in Lucid Dreaming
In a previous post I mentioned how I had used lucid dreaming to help me make sense of my experiences as a voice hearer. I had used lucid dreaming to talk to Scott, a friendly and supportive voice that I have (and in all honesty someone I consider my best friend) and I managed to get some very clear answers as to why I needed him. After speaking to Charlie on Skype I decided to do this with all the voices I experience starting with Darren.
Darren has been with me for almost 10 years now and he started out as a very angry, very threatening, very malicious voice that was constantly critical of myself and those around me. Being 11/12 at the time this was pretty difficult to deal with and I didn‘t tell anyone for a very long time. I always considered Darren to be a negative voice, a voice that I needed to get rid of, and I treated him the same way he treated me, with resentment.
In the last couple of years he has been somewhat more reasonable and easier to talk to but I figured he was the best voice to work with as he is the most negative. The experiences I had when finding Scott were amazing but the ones with Darren have been phenomenal.
I have been blessed with lucid dreams every night for the past week (which is odd because I‘ve done zero work during the day to induce lucidity) so it has given me enough time to talk to Darren. In the first dream I found him I was feeling very isolated and alone which sparked off lucidity in me. I called out his name a few times and he kept shouting, ‘Over here.’ I eventually found him. It was dark outside and there were all these shadowy figures slowly coming towards me. I was quite scared but I spotted Darren sitting in a red car. I got in and he began to drive away.
Now as well as hearing these voices I also sometimes see them so I have a good idea of what they look like. Darren was wearing the green hoodie that he always wears and he had the hood up so I couldn‘t see his face. He was driving quite fast and he appeared to be angry. I tried asking him questions but he was reluctant to answer. He seemed upset and frustrated and rambled on about his dislike for people.
A few nights later I had another dream where my mum dropped me off outside a supermarket and somehow it just hit me that it was a dream. I went looking for Darren but every time I went through a door it would led to another door, or a darkly lit corridor. I was quite fearful but I kept looking until I came across a restroom. It was quite eerie and had a very Silent Hill feeling about it which made me very uncomfortable. I left and entered another restroom and spotted the green hoodie on the floor in one of the cubicles. Upon approaching I found Darren curled up on the floor. I sat beside him and asked, ‘What do you need from me?’
‘I need you to listen,’ he replied. This made me think for a moment. He just needs me to listen rather than push him away. He soon disappeared and I left the cubicle. I turned to look in the mirror and he was there. He was just staring at me. I stared back and I found myself feeling quite peaceful. To just look at each other and really see each other. It was a strange experience.
Last night I had some more lucid dreams. In one of them I was feeling very sad. I was listening to ‘Without You I‘m Nothing’ by Placebo and feeling like I wanted to cry. This made me realise it was dream. I walked into another room and found Darren. He was looking out of a window, his back to me. The green hoodie told me that it was him though. I approached and he turned around. Nothing was said but we both embraced. It felt weird to hug him but even weirder that he was hugging back.
I had another lucid dream later in the night which had the same theme of me feeling lonely and isolated which triggered my lucidity. I was at my grandma‘s house and I went outside looking for a car and found myself a red Ferrari. I drove along and drove quite well considering I’ve never driven in real life and driving dreams often result in me crashing.
Even though I could see no one in the car I sensed my voices were with me and asked Darren what he represented. He answered that he represented anger, something I already knew but he also said he represented my insecurities, things I ran away from and that he‘s here to protect me. Despite his aggressive nature I suppose he does act as a protector.
So over the course of these dreams he has opened up, asked me to listen to him, allowed me to embrace him and let me know what his role is in my life. I also noticed that in the first dream he was driving a red car and in the last dream I was driving a red car (red being the colour often associated with anger) ultimately taking back control in the last dream. Needless to say I awoke this morning with a smile on my face.