Dominique Santos – What Will Make Me Happy in Lucid Dreaming
I had woken up at 4.30 a.m. with anxiety about my life, following a relocation to another country and a new job (to which I had been led by following another lucid dream). I was commuting between cities and my children were staying with family as I struggled to make us a new home.
Then the anxiety moved on, and I remembered how Gloria Anzaldua said that reconnecting to purpose through action is the antidote to anxiety. I made an ad hoc shrine and did some Shinay meditation and chanting before falling back asleep. I knew a lucid dream might come so I set the intention to ask, “What will make me happy?”
Soon I was dreaming of working on projects in multiple cities. My husband visited me in an office where he was impressed by my professional appearance. We were enjoying the performance. Then I was walking through a housing project/council estate; brutalist and dark but full of vibrant public culture surrounded by many people. It was at this point I become lucid. I felt afraid and unsteady and asked loudly, “What will make me happy?” But it felt too aggressive. I remembered a policeman in another lucid dream who made fun of me for being too loud and demanding. So I bowed to the ground, the hard and dirty concrete, in deep gratitude and acceptance. I then asked again, “What will make me happy?”
The crowd of people parted and I was shown a bed where my three children were all sleeping peacefully. I felt so much love for them. I realized what a toll the separation had had on me and that my happiness lies in the ordinary moments of connection and care.