Albert Lauer – Shamanistic Transformation into a Buzzard in Lucid Dreaming
I had actively been disengaging my inner dialogue for several days, remembering how I started that practice twenty-five years ago. With my physical body in almost optimal condition, I sensed that I could easily drop the borders of the intent that held my attention in place and allow a more open, softer and dreamlike constellation. From deep inner stillness this does not lead to dissociation, but there is a good reason that we are not usually open in such a way.
I woke up in Bali just before the first light. I came out of bed after recapitulating my dreams. Still silent inside, I had wandered about for a bit enjoying the beautiful tropical morning and made sure that I was physically wide awake while I kept my mind fluid, playfully flowing over its usual borders.
After a while, I carefully climbed back into bed where my girlfriend was still very committed to sleeping at this early hour. Lying butt to butt, I decided to use my formless and more open awareness for a loving study of her beautiful energy. During that process of deeply sensing her, I had gone back very close to where awareness becomes dreaming on the edge of my physical body. I placed my dream hands and dream feet gently in her side behind me for some extra closeness and increased focus.
Something deep inside me associated the way I had placed my dream limbs with a sitting bird with talons and wings. Unlike an ordinary association, it came without a visual image of a bird. Instead, I sensed that my dream body began to take up the form of a bird, but I felt it as though I was inside a bird‘s body.
It happened within the foggy cloud that I was at the time, my formless dream body. From deep within, something inside me arranged itself around the sensation of being a bird. My awareness was both in and out of my body, so I had something of a double perception: a double perspective, feeling the bird‘s body and my own body, both within the larger energy that I am. I gently allowed for the transformation to progress, feeling inside a bird‘s body, until I saw the feather cloth of a buzzard.
This time it was a mental image, with feathers around the talons and wings of a light creamy brown with white specks, my favorite colors for a buzzard. The process held at a threshold that would not be crossed without a clear intention on my side. The threshold felt similar to the moment before I fully enter my own body from a dream. There is a threshold before we get locked into the physical body and wake up.
At that time, I was actually sensing much of the inner body of a bird. Not as a replacement of my own body, that was still in bed, but as a transformation that a part of my dream body had engaged in. Beautiful. If shamans have ever been able to transform into animals, it must have happened in this kind of spontaneous way.
Maybe on a dream level there is a link with a recent lucid flying dream I had, where I wished to fly like an eagle. I had been flying fast through narrow streets solely through intent. I remembered my earliest wish about lucid dreaming: to be able the transform into an eagle and fly like one. Joyously, I had put my imagination to work trying to feel like an eagle, when gently I had sensed that my arms where transforming into wings.
When I looked to the side I saw my wings, but with a different kind of brown and white. Shortly after, something inside me woke me up. I had clearly sensed a kind of warning, as if I needed permission to transform further, or that there would be consequences I did not know about yet. Or perhaps I just needed more preparation.
I prefer not to speculate about things that are not revealed to me. I am patiently willing to discover the answers later, if at all. From the dream perspective, both while sleeping and awake, there are so many beautiful events in awareness that I never feel as though I am lacking experience.